can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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