I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
