these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
