she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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