He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
