i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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