I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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