im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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