I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
