if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
