i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
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I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
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Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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