She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
