Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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