i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
