One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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