can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i believe in u and ur pee
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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