just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
