Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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