why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
