I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
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I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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