apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
