five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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