I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
