i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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