did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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