Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
