I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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