you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
