so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
