The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize