Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
