you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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