after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
