Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
