I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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