i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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