too bad you live with your parents still
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She bit a glass in half.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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