Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
