tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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