for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
