she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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