i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
