i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
