There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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