Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
