I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
