I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
