good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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