this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
