don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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