I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
either way he was missing a nipple.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
