Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
