did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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