the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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