that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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