If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
