can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
