So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
