Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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