I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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