I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Be still, my beating vagina.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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