I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
