you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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