she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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