never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
