this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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