I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
