i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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