I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
