Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
