I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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