i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
