Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
