Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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