i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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