dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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